It did not take us long to learn that Jadon has a very strong will. It developed over years of hurts and struggles no child should ever endure. It has served him well in many ways. He is a survivor. The problem we are discovering with this is that breaking him out of survivor mode and into family mode is quite challenging. We want to break the sinful will without breaking the spirit (much as a horse is broken well). The pattern of struggle and triumph is weaving together a complex pattern that has two sides...an ugly one full of sinful beliefs and habits and one that is developing into a beautiful pattern we pray will become more and more like Jesus.
The pattern of struggle and triumph has become more pronounced as Jadon has spent a number of weeks at school now. He has needed to learn that there are rhythms to his days but they are weekly rhythms and not daily ones. As he has learned this his patterns of behaviors have become less extreme...weekends are becoming more enjoyable for the family, teachers are generally having fewer behavior problems to deal with on Mondays, etc. Having said that...his behaviors are still erratic and unpredictable. Often we are learning to expect problem behaviors because they usually follow bad attitudes (much like any parent would experience with a birth child).
He still demonstrates behavior that is not what you would expect from an 8 year old. Last week he rubbed his mittens in chalk dust from a drawing on the blacktop and then spread it all over his face and jacket. (He was quite the mess when we picked him up from school.) His peers gathered around and stood laughing. In his culture at the orphanage this would have been good in his mind. His wonderful ELL teacher, Becky, explained to him that they were laughing because he was doing something very childish and not because they were enjoying him. This led to a discussion between Jadon and I (Ruth) over matters of heart. We talked about his own hurts and how all the other children at the orphanage had similar hurts which prevented their hearts from growing the way they normally would. We discussed how the children in his class didn't have those same types of hurts (at least I would expect most don't) and that they would look at things that would have been perfectly acceptable in the orphanage and find them very silly. Jadon longs to develop friendships, but is finding it very difficult due to rather frequent episodes like the this. My heart aches for him to grow in his development (which he has...just not as fast as I would like for his sake).
All that said...despite the difficulties there are plenty of successes as well. Jadon is opening up and talking about the wounds he has received over the few years of his life that he remembers. He has spoken of some pretty significant bullying he received at the hands of the older boys in the orphanage--for us an explanation of why he had such a hard time developing attachment to Andrew. The other day he declared that "in China Ge ge (older brother) bad; in Megua (USA) Ge ge good." It's truly wonderful to see Andrew and Jadon rolling around on the ground, laughing and giggling and just having fun. Andrew is learning to appreciate Jadon in ways that he couldn't just a few weeks ago. And as Jadon appreciates Andrew as someone who is good and safe, he is finding love for him open up in his own heart.
Jadon and I have come to at least some understanding as well. He and I have had a couple of very significant encounters which have not only demonstrated the depth of the love I have for him but have also revealed the depth of love he has for me. I think it surprised us both! He still doesn't show the respect that I will eventually expect from him but he has become more affectionate and loves to snuggle and kiss on a pretty regular basis. Most days he will very willingly do what he is asked as well (even if he needs the occasional reminder---what child doesn't?). He does love to help and will frequently volunteer even if it would be much fast and easier if he didn't...so we go slower and work a little harder.
Jadon's interactions with Alan and Kirsten have their own unique twists too but I don't think they have had as many significant changes as we've seen in his relationship with Andrew and I. Jadon still loves cuddling with Alan over a book. He doesn't see Kirsten as much now that school has started since she is not only still a very social butterfly but has three jobs she's working right now (all for the purpose of a trip to France).
In every relationship he very much wishes to have absolute control...which is, of course, a pipe dream for anyone! Therefore, the triumphs and struggles persist.
Please keep praying for us as we all work to understand just who Jadon Rieck really is. We want to parent and interact with him in ways that are meaningful and will have the greatest impact in a positive way on his heart and mind. And may the glory be given to Jesus!!!!
